Sticking Up for Someone... a thought

Personally, I have a problem when people publically embarrass someo¬¬ne for publically embarrassing someone else. Let me paint the situation. Today, I sat next to one friend who told another friend to “Shut up!” What did I do? I let it bother me for several hours without saying anything, and then I gave him a phone call and told him he needs to be more respectful. In so doing, I believe I kept a few important things in mind: his dignity, her dignity, and their relationship. Sure, I could have stuck up for her in that situation (as most decent fellas would), but, (1) that was the first time something like that had happened; and (2) if I think about the issue at heart, it doesn’t involve me as much as it does him and his past, and his and her relationship. If I really care about him, it is more effective to mention it privately. It is appropriate to defend those that are being bullied without forming a counter attack.

Now, there are exceptions to this general guideline, i.e. “the bullying and not the bully should be stopped”. I will provide one: the repeated offender. The second time something happens, you oculd say, “Hey, man, we talked about this. Cut it out.” Automatically, the bully (who most of the time is just over-excited) will examine his words and be more careful.

Gollum Complex

You know, it's been a while.

If I asked myself a question I certainly possess the ability to answer myself. That's actually how my conception of God most often looks--I think something, God responds. I think something else, God responds. Yea... Hold the phone.

1. Isn't this a Gollum psychosis?

2. Perhaps I, in my reasoning, have dichotomized my reasoning self into two parts: Wisdom and Folly.

3. Perhaps, I respond back as though I need the wise part of myself to retort, as though I need a balanced answer before I can make a decision.

4. Isn't this pathetic?

I would feel so much better about myself and my intellect if I just denied the existence of God outright, declared myself insane, and got a psychoanalyst to fix me; but I realized something. My rational thinking ability would writhe in pain for years to come. I have trained myself to retort with the God-half of my reason (which, by the way, hardly ever initiates conversations; it's normally the me that wants to "act up" complaining about why he can't do what he wants to do) and if I tried to do away with it, I doubt I could ever come up with a reasonable conclusion. I'd think that I was just over "godding" my conclusion.

Why when I am feeling sorry for myself does it always come back to the existence of God? Not even the goodness of God, but his very existence?

When I pray, should I receive an answer forthright? Is that the way it works? Is this a "lack of faith" or whatever Christians are so quick to stick a label upon?

p.s. Sorry it's been so long.

Reflections

The world spins so fast, especially when you grow fond of a particular moment, but I'm glad that things progress and people move on.

This past year has been so challenging for me emotionally, but I've at long last found good in it. Suffering and pain, I believe [because of our fallen nature], are among the only ways to get head knowledge into your heart. I haven't always had this perspective. Not my point... yesterday I was able to reflect and play my guitar for 3 hours; for me, to play the guitar is to reflect. I write songs, which grasp not only my words but my heart's melody. Taking this into account, and the fact that I have countless songs--sometimes, I clearly over-dramatize situations.

Just because almost every song I've written since coming to Gordon has been about a stupid situation with an amazing girl, I've realized this cannot consume me. I know God works out His will. I've realized that only "he that loses his life will find it again." I know that God's purposes are made clear when we let go of our attachments. I've resolved in my heart to become estranged, at least emotionally, with her. She's found new friends? Perfect! Now I can sort out my own heart.

And honestly I say this now (about turning around feelings of broken trust for the good), but this year has sucked. I've certainly had to become sensitive to another's wants and aspirations, her perception too.

Sometimes I reflect, and frankly, I wouldn't have changed a thing.