Nobody really knows this at this point, but it's looking like each day my likelihood of returning next semester is slowly dwindling. My vision is slowly dwindling each day. I know that the type of person that likes to make himself vulnerable and ask for help, nor I am the person to offer my services if I do think they're wanted in any way shape or form. It's the reason I never joined the worship band in church--I showed up once but felt unwelcome and didn't go back again. Is this a manifestation of pride? I'm sure it is.
I don't know if there's a small part of me that doesn't want to fit in and thus I ostracize myself. I naturally make friends and become popular, so I act weird sometimes because I subconsciously want to drive people away from me? I don't know? It's so hard trying to psycho-analyze myself. Is it a lack of motivation that has caused me to allow opportunities to slip between my fingertips? Because only later do I realize that I may have wanted to participate in the program other people are getting accepted in. I don't know if there is a simple "do this" solution.
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